About Me
Where to even begin…
This blog documents my journey attempting to heal my own depression, childhood trauma, sex addiction, co-dependency, complex PTSD and a lifetime of toxic shame in an effort to wake up, understand my true nature and become whole again.
I grew up in a fundamentalist Jehovahs Witness dysfunctional family unit and experienced multiple layers of childhood trauma including emotional, spiritual and on occasion, extremely physical. At 27 years old, and after many years of dysfunctional behaviours and relationships, I began working with indigenous plant medicines. This led me to the realisation that I wasn’t a straight man – a fact that I had been completely repressing from my psyche my entire life. If that wasn’t enough to shatter my identity, for my first 3 ceremonies, I worked with Ayahuasca in a less than safe environment with a Shaman who mixed brews, had his own personal issues and where there were accusations of abuse in the camp. This led to me witnessing the severe demonic possession of another person during a ceremony and subsequently I developed PTSD and lived through 8 or 9 months of a fragmented psyche before I chose to return to Ayahuasca again – only due to a lack of options to heal. It was a brutal spiritual awakening.
This blog documents my return to Ayahuasca, in a much safer and highly respected camp and starts at Ceremony Four. I will eventually document what happened in those first 3 ceremonies but it’s extremely clear to me that working with Ayahuasca should be respected and used in a safe and supportive environment, and with master Shamans who understand the medicine that has been passed down in their lineage, such as the Shipibo. There are many charlatans and dangers in Ayahuasca tourism.
I’ve been on this path for 5 years now, and I’ve failed and regressed more than I’ve progressed. The path of true healing on an emotional, physical and spiritual level can be excruciatingly painful and intensely messy and I’m sharing that messiness for the world to see. In doing so, I attempt to honour who I am as man, my truth and my healing journey back to wholeness. I am unapologetically transparent and open in discussing topics such as sexuality, spirituality and the use of psychedelics for personal development and healing. This will no doubt trigger many people with their own unresolved issues, prejudices or conflicting belief systems. Each to their own but you have been warned!
I write because it’s therapy for me. It helps me to process my emotions, get out of my head and get back into the present moment. My writing is an authentic expression from a point in time. Although I attempt to avoid unnecessary melodrama, my journey and experiences have led me to the extremes of emotion and have at times been unbearingly intense – and that is often felt through my documenting of it. I only know as much as I do in that part of my journey, I’m learning, growing and piecing things together all the time. I am delighted if this serves others in some way.
My occasional attempts to write in a lighthearted way is not to belittle or downplay those that suffer from similar issues but more so as my own personal coping mechanism. Some of the things I’ve experienced have been so supernatural, the truth is stranger than fiction.
This blog is my own personal experience, I do not claim to be an expert in anything and certainly not in plant medicine work. It’s imperative that you do your own research before using any substance for healing, consciousness growth or spiritual journeying.
Also, I’m a Scorpio – if that matters.
All the best,
Simon
